Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
