If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize