By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
