I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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