We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
