every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
