walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize