You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
