youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
