I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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