Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
