I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
