They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
