why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
