omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
