Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
