Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
