Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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