Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
