his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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