A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
