I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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