Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's blow job season.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
