So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
