Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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