So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
