he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
