Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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