fuck your aforementioned shoe
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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