I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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