watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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