i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
