You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Randomize
