I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
