Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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