i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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