I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
