I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
