i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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