how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just got carded by a ten year old.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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