I looked at my own cervix.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
