remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
