bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
