He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
