summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
