my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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