i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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