In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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