tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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