im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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