I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
