Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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