I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
