Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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