I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
