Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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