you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
