Already got asked if we're dating
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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