Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
