I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
