Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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