Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
