You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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