omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
