apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
