we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
