And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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